12 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship with Alcohol

Before I quit drinking, I'd wake up in the wee hours of the morning, overwhelmed with anxiety about my drinking the night before. I often spent the next few hours in my bed, taking any "Am I an Alcoholic?" quiz that I could find on Google. Every single time, the quizzes would prove to me that I had a drinking problem and a negative relationship with alcohol, and each time I would poo poo the results, because the questions were things that seemed common to the average college drinker (or so I thought).

"Do you drink more than the recommended daily limit per night?" (Yes, I binge drink and typically stop counting after 5 or so drinks). "Do you ever experience blackouts?" (Yessir, all the time.) "Do you find that it's hard to stop drinking when you start?" (Big fat yup.) After taking these quizzes, I often thought, "Well, if this is the quiz to prove that you're an alcoholic, then literally everyone I'm around must be one" and I would go about my day

Now that I no longer drink, I've taken time to reflect on these quizzes that I used to spend many hours stressing over. I've found that while, yes, they can be a good indicator if someone has a drinking problem, the issue I have with them is that the questions are very black and white. You either answer with a yes or a no.

Rather than asking yourself, "Am I an alcoholic?" or "Do I have a drinking problem?", I believe that it's also important to figure out if your relationship with alcohol is a healthy one. I've put together a list of questions based off my experience that will help you do this. These questions will not tell you if you should stop drinking, because that's not what I'm here to do. Only YOU can make this decision for yourself. Instead, these questions will simply make you reflect on the reasons you drink and how alcohol affects your life. So grab a journal and write down your answers, or just think about them as you go!

1. What are some of the reasons I drink?

I'm coming at you with a big question right off the bat. Even though I had been drinking since high school, I never really took the time to pause and think, "Why am I doing this?". Since quitting drinking and attending therapy, I have discovered that the 3 main reasons I drank were 1) to get drunk (hello alcoholic brain), 2) to combat my social anxiety, 3) to combat stress. All are not very healthy reasons.

Think about this question and see if you can pinpoint one or a few reasons that you drink. Drinking to combat any sort of emotion like sadness, stress, or anxiety is not a sign of a healthy relationship with alcohol. If you want to take this question a step further, I highly recommend checking out the book, This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. In this book, the author dives deeper into the reasons people say they drink and helps the reader work towards building a better relationship with alcohol.

2. What situations do I tend to drink the most in?

Think about the times that you've gotten too drunk. Do all these situations have something in common? Is it when you are with certain people? With people you don't know very well? When you are feeling stressed? If all of these situations have something in common, it may be best to stay away from those environments or keep it at the forefront of your mind during these situations that they usually do not end well.

3. Is the outcome of my drinking predictable? Am I in control?

Can you predict that most times you go out drinking, you will remember safely getting home, eating some drunchies, and going to bed? Or is it always a wild card when you drink and you don't know if you'll end up safely in bed or blacked out alone on the streets talking to a cop?

4. Am I more or less the same person when I'm drinking?

Or do you turn into a fucking monster, pushing your friends down staircases and yelling at strangers (yes, this was me). When I am sober, my friends and family describe me as an empathetic, nice person who genuinely cares about others and their feelings. When I was really drunk, however, this was not the case. If drinking changes who you fundamentally are, it may be time to reevaluate your habits.

5. What have been some of the consequences of my drinking? Do these consequences matter to me?

Have you damaged your relationships with others? Done poorly in school? Lost your phone? Think about some of the things that have happened as a result of your drinking. For me, the consequences outweighed the benefits of drinking, which is ultimately why I quit.

6. What have my friends and family told me about my drinking?

Have your friends ever had interventions or discussions with you about your drinking? What about your family members? It is important to listen to what the people who care about us are telling us. They have your best interests at heart and are only trying to help.

7. How do I feel when others are drinking and I am not?

Yes, it's common to be uncomfortable when everyone around you is drinking and you are not. But is it so uncomfortable that you cannot bear to do it? Another way to look at this question would be to ask yourself, if you couldn't drink at the next social event you went to (where there is usually alcohol involved), would you still go? If the answer is no, this may be a sign that you are relying too much on the alcohol to have fun.

8. At what point in the night (or day) do I stop drinking?

Are you the type of person who wants to keep drinking when everyone else seems like they're winding down? Can you remember at what point in the night you choose to stop drinking or do you drink until you pass out? I knew that my relationship with alcohol was a toxic one because I often drank until I couldn't remember my last drink.

9. Have I ever planned to only drink so much, but then realized I couldn't stick to my limits?

This was a question that was often featured on those "Am I an Alcoholic?" quizzes I took. Not being able to stick within your predetermined limits is common when drinking because alcohol lowers your inhibitions. We all have those nights where we drink more than we plan to, but if this is a consistent occurrence, it could indicate a bigger problem and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

10. Do I prioritize drinking over other activities? (Is drinking getting in the way of my life?)

I remember before starting my junior year of college, I took time to plan out and write down my weekly schedule. Thursday through Saturday nights were reserved for drinking. Friday and every other morning of the weekend were reserved for hangovers. I purposefully didn't schedule myself for evening classes just in case I would go out drinking that night. Basically, MY LIFE revolved around the times I would be drinking. This was not a healthy way to live.

It is important to ask yourself if you often prioritize drinking over other important activities (like studying or exercising). Is your drinking preventing you from taking care of yourself? Is it preventing you from reaching your goals?

11. How do I feel after I drink?

And I'm not just talking about hangovers. We all know those suck. I'm talking about how it makes you feel emotionally. Do you experience bad anxiety after nights of heavy drinking? Do you feel depressed? Is your drinking worth how you feel the next day (or few days)?

12. Is drinking affecting my overall happiness? Have I ever felt that my life would be better if I didn't drink?

If you aren't sure about this one, I'd suggest checking out my post titled, The Journal Exercise That Convinced Me to Quit Drinking. It will help you bring to light the things in your life that are taking up most of your mental and physical space/energy. From there, you can figure out what you should eliminate to ultimately become a happier, more productive person. This exercise helped me realize just how much of a toll alcohol was having on my life. Soon after completing it, I made the decision to quit drinking all together.

That is all the questions I have for you! Focus on how you feel after reading this blog post and reflecting on your answers to these questions. Again, the purpose of this post is not to convince you to quit drinking, but to help you reflect on whether your relationship with alcohol is a healthy one. If you were dating someone who made you feel like shit, kept you from reaching your goals, and negatively affected your life in a major way, I'm assuming you would break up with them. Think about this when you think about your relationship with alcohol!