5 Tips to Not Hate Your First Sober Event

The other day, I was reminiscing about my first sober event. Within my first week of quitting drinking, I went to a bar downtown with some friends. It was awful. I was supposed to be having fun but instead all I could think about was that I was cold, tired, and irritated that I couldn't drink. When the night ended, I remember going home and crying, convinced that a life of sobriety was going to be a no-fun, stressful nightmare. Since that night, I have actually found the opposite to be true thanks to a change of mindset. I have experienced various events sober that a few months ago, I would have never been able to picture without alcohol. And get this- I've actually enjoyed myself at them!

For the first few weeks and even months of your sobriety, you may feel like you want to avoid events involving alcohol all together, and that's perfectly fine! Everyone has their own timeline. However, when you feel like you're ready to try going out with your friends again, I thought it would be a good idea to make a "survival guide" for people who are experiencing their first sober event.

"Survival guide" sounds a bit intense, but if I'm being honest, at your first sober event you may quite literally feel like you just need to survive the night. But don't worry...it gets better with time, I promise! I don't want anyone to make the mistakes I made at my first sober event. Starting this journey off on the wrong foot can be very detrimental to your mindset going forward. This is an "I've made the mistakes so that you don't have to" kind of thing.

I've used these tips when going to bars or house parties, however I can see these tips carrying over into any event you choose to go to!

My Top 5 Tips to Not Hate Your First Sober Event

1. Drop the idea that you are not going to have a good time.

Your mind is a very powerful thing. If you go into the night (or day) believing that you won't have a good time, then you won't. I remember feeling so agitated watching all of my friends drink while I couldn't. It really had a negative affect on my mindset. All night, I convinced myself that I couldn't dance, laugh, or talk to drunk people without being drunk myself. I was consumed with the idea that "this would be so much better if I could just loosen up with a drink". But trust me, it's all in your head. I have learned that drinking is more or less a placebo effect. You do not actually need alcohol to dance or have fun, you only think you do. Once you erase this concept from your mind, you will be free! It may take some time, so stick with it. You'll need to attend many events sober for this idea to truly stick.

2. Have your one, solid excuse ready.

People WILL ask you why you aren't drinking. When that time comes, I've found it's easier (and less stressful) to have a short and sweet excuse prepared to fire off to anyone who asks, rather than to try and come up with one on the spot. My favorite one is, "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS BISH, BACK TF OFF". If you aren't ready to go that route, here are some other examples:

If you aren't ready to tell people you are sober:

• "I'm on antibiotics."
• "I need to wake up early."
• "I'm on a health kick and alcohol isn't part of the plan."
• "I'm the designated driver."
• "I don't feel well, no thanks."

And if you are ready to tell people you are sober, I try to keep it light and fun:

• "Alcohol and I just don't get along anymore."
• "Alcohol and I decided to go our separate ways."
• "Drinking just wasn't working with my lifestyle."
• "I value feeling 100% everyday, and drinking wasn't allowing me to do that."

3. Come prepared with some sort of drink to hold.

Let's be real, no one ever knows what to do with their hands when they're just standing in one spot talking to people. A social crutch for a lot of people isn't necessarily the drinking, but holding the drink itself. If you're at a bar, you could ask for a sparkling water and lime (which looks identical to a vodka soda and no one will even know the difference). If you're at someones house, you could bring kombucha or soda in a fun bottle. You could even pretend you're drinking by pouring these beverages into a red solo cup. And trust me, most drunk people are so preoccupied with their own drinking that they won't even notice if the bottle says "root" in front of "beer".

4. Wear comfortable clothes.

You may think I am kidding about this one, but honey, no. A few months back, I bought these 4-inch, high-heeled booties from H&M to wear as my "downtown bar shoes". They hurt like a motherfucker but my logic was, "Oh, when I'm drunk they wont be that bad". The first few times I wore them, the alcohol numbed my feet and I didn't even notice the pain. But ohhhh boy, let me tell you when I tried wearing them for my first night out sober, I was in agony the entire night. The same thing goes for a dress, shirt, skirt, or pants that aren't very comfortable. Instead of focusing on enjoying time with your friends, you will be thinking about going home and changing into pajamas the entire night. Also, BRING A JACKET. No alcohol = no warm, alcohol blanket. I was freezing my ass off the whole night. Even when you don't think you'll need one, bring one.

5. Have a way out.

To be perfectly honest, even if you follow these tips and have a great time at your first sober event, you will still most likely want to go home earlier than you usually do, and that's okay! There comes a point in the night when people start getting a little too drunk (we've all been there) and it's not much fun to be around when you're sober. When that time comes, make sure you have a way to get home that doesn't rely on your drunk friends. An Uber or a supportive friend who will pick you up are both great options. Also, try and avoid being the designated driver for your first few sober outings. Trying to chase down and gather your drunk friends will not leave a great impression on your night either.

There may be some things I've left off of this list or haven't considered, because I am writing based on my own experience, but the most important thing to remember is to stay positive and optimistic. If your first event happens to not go so well, don't give up! As you attend more and more events sober that you used to never be able to picture without alcohol, you begin to truly find the joy in not drinking. I am now able to have a great time with friends, and not wake up with a hangover. It is truly liberating!