Where Did the Magic of "Getting Ready" Go?

Back when I was drinking, getting ready was my favorite part about going out. I loved sipping on a mixed drink with ice and listening to music while putting on my makeup. There was something so...seductive about it. I loved critiquing my roommates' various outfit choices and having them do the same for me. I loved the moment when all eight of us were finally ready and we took that first shot together, eager to see how the night was going to play out.

These days, I don't even necessarily miss the drinking. I miss the anticipation of drinking. I miss the pregames, when the energy is high and everyone is excited about the same thing. I miss Thursday afternoons, when you can practically feel the campus buzzing with excitement because the weekend is so near. I miss getting out of class on Thursday evening, knowing that in a few short hours I'd be heading downtown with my friends.

Getting ready to go out just doesn't feel the same when you're sober. Maybe it's because instead of feeling excited and carefree, I know I'm about to spend the night turning down alcohol and explaining to puzzled strangers why I'm not drinking. Even getting ready for dinner just doesn't feel the same as getting ready for dinner and drinks. I almost feel less inclined to look my best, and more willing to say, "Forget this, let's just order in."

Why is it that I can be doing the exact same thing (putting on makeup, listening to music, putting on an outfit), but it feels totally different when there is a a glass of wine or a White Claw near by?

Curse you, alcohol, for taking away my ability to get excited about anything that doesn't involve you. For the past four years, everything I did for fun involved drinking in some form or another. The hardest part of my early sobriety was slowly realizing that I did not know how to have fun without being some form of intoxicated.

Over the past few months, I have begun to understand what people mean when they say that sobriety is so much more than just giving up alcohol. It is an ongoing journey of finding yourself and evolving into the person you were are always meant to be. Now that I am no longer dulling my emotions, I can discover what truly makes me feel alive.

When I buy a new book, I feel as excited as I once did buying a new pack of White Claws.

When I make plans to watch movies with my friends, I feel as giddy as I once did to go out to the bars with them.

I am now almost eight months sober and have accepted the fact that some things will never feel the same as they once did. The act of "getting ready" may have lost its spark, but over time, I am finding that magic elsewhere.